I read this article a little while ago:


It made me sad and then it made me think: how many people do I make invisible by not “seeing” them? Why?

Have you ever walked along on the sidewalk and noticed someone just ahead of you walking towards you….and you look to the side or down when they pass? I have.

Have you ever thought about “what part of town” your walking through? Have you ever felt embarrassed looking at someone and kind of wishing they really weren’t there? I have.

Has your heart rate ever increased as someone approaches you? Have you ever crossed the street to avoid someone? Yes.

Are there people you come across during the day that you try to make “invisible”? Just like a child who covers their eyes so they don’t have to see something? Yes.


Why do we do this? What do we fear? Where has the fear come from?

If we can find ways to see each other, to honor the existence of every being who co-inhabits this wonderful earth with us, if no young person ever has need to thank a stranger for merely seeing them, then we will have done a fine thing.”

A couple of years ago I was walking during lunch and notice two men near the corner where I was headed, engaged in a very animated conversation. It looked like they were laughing, but it was pretty intense. I could feel myself reacting, but I just kept going. With my eyes looking elsewhere. As I got closer I could hear snippets of the conversation  and it was about race. I tired to make them invisible. I was nervous. This is hard to admit even to a bunch of readers I don’t even know!! Then I heard it: “Let’s ask her”. I was her.

I had to look up, to make eye contact, to smile. One man said, “My friend and I here are having a conversation about people. He thinks you won’t hug me if I ask you to because I am black. What do you say? May I have a hug?”

What could I say? “Of course I will give you a hug.” And I did. He laughed and I got a great big bear hug. The other man asked why I had said yes. “Because he is just a person asking for a hug.” Inside I was realizing how hard that had been and was upset at all the reasons of why that were going through my mind. Irrational, stereotyped, fearful…so many negatives.

“Let’s interrupt old patterns of not looking into the eyes of “those people” (whoever they are to you). Let’s greet and acknowledge the folks we generally walk by or around and watch what happens.”

I got a hug.

Now I am mindful of my eyes, my body language, my thoughts and choices. I walk where I am going without thought of who I pass by. I hold my head up and look at people and smile. I say “Thank You”, and “Hi”, and “Have a good day”.  Yesterday I thanked the eye doctor for being open on Saturday. I take for granted places are open on Saturdays. I thanked the man who was sweeping the sidewalk and his face lit up. I thanked the grocery clerk bagging my groceries. I tell the cranky parking attendant “thank you” and wish her a good evening. I am committed to making the people I make invisible, visible.

Years ago when I worked downtown there was a young man who participated in the programs of our mental health clinic. He was physically not healthy. He received services for mental illness. He was someone who could easily be made invisible, and many people in fact did not see him. But he was happy. He laughed, he smiled. He tried to engage people in conversation. Generally they did not see or hear him. I began to respond to him. I had short conversations with him about the weather, the trash, whatever he brought up. One day I noticed that wherever I seemed to be in a 2 or 3 block area downtown, every time I came near a door, he was there. To open it for me. One day I said something about it and he said “I like to do this for you. You’re nice to me. You don’t have to be but you are.”

There is another woman named Caroline. She also struggles with mental health issues. Some days she doesn’t do so well: you can see it in the way she dresses, the way she grooms herself. On “better” days she initiates eye contact. I invited her to sit and have coffee with me sometimes. We had nice little conversations. Sometimes  even just the next day she wouldn’t even recognize me. One day in our local bookstore Caroline walked in. The owner greeted her and she handed him a small pile of books and thanked him. He smiled at her and said something and they laughed  The woman I was with asked him who she was and why she had given him books. He told my friend Caroline’s story and said he lent her books to read, commenting that she was a very bright person going through difficult times. He said she loved to read but couldn’t buy books and couldn’t get a library card. My friend said something like, “I would have never guessed.” Caroline was someone who was easy to make invisible.

“If we can find ways to see each other, to honor the existence of every being who co-inhabits this wonderful earth with us, if no young person ever has need to thank a stranger for merely seeing them, then we will have done a fine thing.”

There is so much fear, distrust, apprehension, suspicion about “others” these days…………there are lots of invisible people out there. Do you have any? If you don’t, do you still have a responsibility to help others see these people who are just folks waiting for a hug, a cup of coffee, a short conversation, a kind word, a smile, or a good book to read?

Let’s accept this invitation:

“Here’s my invitation to you: let’s take a month and intentionally notice those we would normally not see. Let’s interrupt old patterns of not looking into the eyes of “those people” (whoever they are to you). Let’s greet and acknowledge the folks we generally walk by or around and watch what happens.

So let’s say “Hey” to someone new tomorrow. I’ll bet we have conversations that surprise us. I’ll bet we learn something new.”

” Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Gandhi

There is part of us that
says it is never too late to be reborn
on the inbreath each morning.

Stephen Levine

sunrise breath

(photograph by Kathryn Howlett)

Mornings have become an addiction for me. They are quiet, soft and peaceful. They are beautiful and filled with wonder and hope. There is a stillness in the air that does not exist at any other time of the day. The birds wake with the light, slowly and gently they greet the day with their song. I marvel at the colors in the morning sky…..where do those colors come from? How can they be real colors?

I recently began a breathing practice called “So Hum”. So Hum translates as “I am this/that”.  http://www.chopra.com/sohum

I usually wake up before or around sunrise. I have begun to train myself to be still and to watch the sun rise. To breath in “So”, and to exhale “Hum”. To “be reborn on the inbreath each morning.”

I wish I could say I am able to carry that stillness and awareness throughout the day. But, I am not always able to do so. I try. I try every day without giving up because I believe that one day I will come to the end of a day and say “I did it!”

I like to think I make a difference in the world, even if it is to only one person. Yet, I remind myself that my “work” is not so important that things would “stop”, or someone would “suffer something” without me. When I remember, I silently say “So Hum”. I am this. “This” is simply what is. It’s not about importance or unimportance. It’s not about being of value or not. It is simply about being and doing. Of focusing on the qualities of compassion and patience and of being “this”.

When I soak in the first rays of the morning sun, feel the warmth wake my body and take those inbreath, I am “this”. It fills me with something unspeakable, extraordinary. It is a recharging of something deeply internal and personal. It is a rebirth every day.

I am so grateful for the east facing window in my bedroom. For the sky that lights up each morning, filled with color and beauty. A sky that cradles the sun and beckons me to take a long slow inbreath and to be “this”.

Pause and Wonder

April 2, 2013

I’ve been away for awhile….away from the internal space that allows me to write on my blog. I felt as if I was lost in a twirling within my heart and mind, and had a hard time slowing it down. Until now. If anyone is still checking in, thank you.

Pause and Wonder

pause between breaths

I was reading a post by Brother David Steindle-Rast about how our perspective changes if we can find wonder and surprise in more things. From the moment we open our eyes in the morning, we have the opportunity to choose to be inspired by the wonder that surrounds us. Beginning with the sound of the alarm clock. Imagine if our response to that sound was not agitation and anxiety, but wonder: wow! Listen to that sound! It is calling me to be ALIVE!!

We are waking up to surprise!! And every moment of the day will offer us more surprises to take our breath away and fill us with wonder. If. If we can be awake, aware and alert!


As I read the article I also thought of the quote above. If we can train ourselves to pause, as in the moments between breaths, we can use those moments to learn to see the surprise and wonder all around us. Perhaps this will provide us with the possibility of seeing more things as opportunities for ourselves, rather than burdens that have to be surmounted.

How would this change our lives? How would we be different? Would we be different?